


Cocooned

by Diary



Category: London Spy
Genre: Bechdel Test Fail, Bottle Episode Fic, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Episode: s01e01 Lullaby, Episode: s01e01 Pilot, Late Night Conversations, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Missing Scene, POV Alex Turner, POV Male Character, POV Queer Character, Romance, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 10:48:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6002998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look at Alex's POV leading up to his first time and after. Complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cocooned

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own London Spy.

His hand won’t stop trembling.

“We don’t have to do anything,” Danny says.

Alex kisses him and hopes it’s not bad.

He’s gathered Danny likes sex and has had more than Alex likely will ever have in his life.

Aesthetically, Danny is pleasing, but moreover, he’s- well, he seems genuinely kind.

Mostly, Alex is just tired of never talking about anything but numbers and national security with people he either doesn’t know personally, doesn’t like, or both.

If there’s a chance doing this will gain him a little more time…

Danny’s hand is resting between his skin and trousers, and the other is on his neck. “What do you want? How do you like it? I’m up for almost anything.”

The trembling is spreading, but he kisses Danny again and answers, “So am I.”

Danny returns the kiss but withdraws his hands. “Alex- maybe you were right. About this being too fast.”

He doesn’t know if he’s relieved or sad.

Reaching over, Danny takes one of his hands in both of Danny’s. “It’s alright. Is there something I can do or get you to help you relax?”

“A shower,” he automatically answers.

Danny gives him a smile he can’t fully interpret. “I can offer a bath?”

…

Danny is genuinely kind.

The thought of sharing himself in such a personal, physical way is still scary, but he finds it exciting, as well. Part of him has always longed to find someone whose body he can learn and will give him pleasure in turn.

“You need to take the lead,” he tells Danny.

Danny still looks somewhat unsure.

“I want this,” he says. “Please.”

“Alright.” Danny nods. “But promise me, if you don’t like something or need to slow or stop, you’ll tell me. I need you to promise me that.”

“I promise.”

…

He’s not in love.

Oxytocin, endorphins, significantly higher levels of dopamine, and the sheer wonder at such an experience- it’s all chemical.

He doesn’t know everything important about Danny. He’s not even in a relationship with him. One outing and sex isn’t enough to establish whether long-term capability is a possibility.

When he used to think of what being in love was like, this is more-or-less what he imagined.

Danny can never know everything important about him. He can never be as open as Danny is.

“I’d like for this to not be a one-time thing,” Danny whispers. “I mean, not just the sex. If you’d- I’d like to be your boyfriend.”

“I’d like you to be mine,” he answers.

Whether this is love or not, he can’t deny how emotionally invested he now is.

Danny snuggles closer.

Kissing his head, Alex thinks, _I’ll try my best not to hurt you. Please, don’t hurt me. You could more than anyone else. Please, don’t let us be hurt by this. Please, let this feeling last forever._

He falls asleep with the unfamiliar feeling of happiness cocooning his mind while Danny’s warm, strong body rests against his.

 


End file.
